Do I make her a keeper or put her on waivers?
Do I drop to one knee or do I just drop her?
Some drafts are year to year – others are keepers. Some women are too.
Have you ever found yourself mid-season agonising that your amazing fantasy team is not in a keeper league? You may even have found yourself in a relationship where you wish your present ‘seasonal’ arrangement could be upgraded to ‘keeper’ status.
But as Whitney (Houston) so famously asked, ‘how will I know?’ (Irony alert : For the record Whitney was notoriously bad at answering this question. After the first trip to the emergency room – she really ought to have known.) But, how will you really know?
With your fantasy team it’s easy. We’ve all had special teams that we wish we could keep forever. Your hitters hit. Your pitchers pitch and your best friends are routinely destroyed by the mammoth numbers your boys put up. You have no problems telling anyone who will listen just how in love you are (with your team). You wish the summer could last forever.
Knowing with a team is easy – knowing with a woman is a different batting order all together.
While I have no magic formula – I do think draft day can tell you a lot about the strength of the relationship you’re in and whether you might consider her for your own personal keeper league. How she acts when something is happening that has nothing to do with her is a powerful indicator of future matrimonial compatibility and keeper status. Draft day is just such a day.
So how did your lady (or best fella) send you off to your baseball draft this year ?
(a) She made your favourite lunch – for endurance – she drove you to the draft – for safety – and she tucked cab fare home and a wad of $1’s into your hand as you got out of the car – because you should’s draft and drive and you never know when you’re going to need to make it rain.
(b) She planned a spa day with some of the other drafters partners so you could enjoy the day guilt free.
(c) She woke up smiling and everything was great and as you walked out the door she said, ‘Hit a touchdown, baby.’
(d) She woke up smiling and everything was great until the minute you were ready to go and then said, ‘So, you’re just going to leave ? We’re not even going to talk about this ?’ ( knowing full well that your jacket told her you were indeed leaving and the terrified look on your face told her you had no idea what you needed to talk about).
Now if your answer was (a), (b) or even (c) you may very well have a keeper. If your answer was (d) – and I swear every draft I have ever been in has seen someone arrive after just getting (d)’d – then she gots to go.
I am sure you too have seen recently (d)’d drafters. They arrive shaken. They spend more time checking their watch or their phone then the draft lists. You may have even been (d)’d at one time yourself. You may be about to get (d)’d today.
So what can you do ?
While unlike your draft team you can’t trade your (d) unless you take her to one of those kinds of parties (see: so this is one of those kinds of parties) and you can’t put her on your bench while you replace her with another starter hoping she’ll soon turn things around. Well, at least you shouldn’t.
No, there is really only one thing to do when you get (d)’d – cut her lose. Put her on waivers. Let her go and check the waiver wire and see if your next draft might see you being sent off by an (a), (b) or (c).
No one deserves to get (d)’d – not on draft day.